So…recently I’ve been working out (cue the golf claps). And I don’t mean taking a leisurely stroll around the block, or even peddling a couple of minutes on a stationary bike. I’m talking up to five miles on the treadmill even if I begin bleeding out of my ears.
What provokes me to do this, you ask? I, like many women, am getting “bikini ready.” This undoubtedly gives me SEVERAL months to prepare, seeing as to how I live in the freezer section of our country, and it won’t reach a measly 70 degrees before the next Halley’s Comet swings around – and by God, when it does, I will NOT be wearing a one-piece.
“The Fitness Center” (as I like to call the tiny workout room I have access to in the creepy basement of the luxury apartment building across the street) is perfect for a little privacy to get a good workout.
On one of my recent excursions, I was greeted by several old US Weekly magazines someone must have donated to the workout room. Always a sucker for an intellectual read on the treadmill, I picked up one that looked juicy and flipped open to a random page.
There staring me in the face was a full-page spread called “Hot Mamas.” It was a montage of separate pictures of Helen Hunt, Mel B. (a.k.a. Scary Spice), and Sarah McLachlan all at the beach in bikinis. US Weekly was praising these lovely ladies’ bodies for looking fabulous after having children.
I get it. They gave birth to babies and still look great – BRAVO I say! But do you know what a kick in the shin splints that is for the rest of the women in the country, including me? People who are busting their booties every day on the treadmill and don’t look like that in a bikini without having had kids?
Let me let you in on a little secret; two of the three women featured in the article are heavily rumored to have had plastic surgery! So, you’re telling me I don’t have to run until my blisters get blisters? My ears need not bleed by the time I reach mile four? I can simply pop out a child, get a tummy tuck and a breast lift, and I will be hailed a hero? PHEW!! Thank you, Hollywood, for clearing that up!
Next time, show us some REAL hot mamas, US Weekly, and I will gladly hobble through that extra mile on the treadmill – blisters and all.
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