Don’t you just hate waking up every morning wishing you had the perfect nighttime support for your girls? With all the tossing and turning, your breasts really take a beating, leading to unsightly chest wrinkles — a huge problem for women. At least, that’s what the folks at Intimia seem to believe.
So how does the company suggest you avoid rack wrinkling short of botoxing your boobies? Simply heave apart your cleavage with the new Intimia Breast Pillow.
Created by aesthetic nurse specialist, Irene Komsky, R.N., the Breast Pillow “comfortably separates the breasts while you sleep in any position, preventing new wrinkles from forming and improving existing lines.” And for the ultra-low price of $59.95, you too can have your own satin strap-on pillow that looks about as comfortable as wearing a jock strap looped around your arms.
But don’t keep your breasts’ new bff to yourself — Intimia urges you to buy one for your mom. After all, what better Mother’s Day gift is there than a cushy reminder that her breasts will never be as bountiful as they once were.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. And in Steve Buscemi’s case….his soul scares the jeepers cripes out of us. What could be scarier than that? If your favorite celebs had Steve Buscemi’s eyes.
For any of you wondering what that would look like — you’re in luck. Through hours of diligent investigative research (aka surfing the net when bored), we’ve stumbled upon a Tumblr account dedicated to transforming glamorous celebrities into bona fide creepsters with Steve Buscemi’s eyes.
Here are just a few samples of pics at ChicksWithSteveBuscemEyes, but we strongly encourage you to visit the site for a full spectrum of creepy peepers.
Have you ever just stared at a room in your house and felt like something was missing? That perfect piece of decor that would just tie in the room’s theme altogether? Well, demented ladies and gents, the answer may have been thudding beneath your tires all along. Roadkill rug, anyone?
Oh, yes — because you couldn’t get enough of the sight of poor, defenseless wildlife flattened on the side of a road, thanks to Oooms, you can now bring that bit of nature right into your living room. For a mere 3,400 Euros — that’s about $4,300 — you too could have your very own Oooms Roadkill carpet to cover up those pesky hardwood floors.
Notice how the “blood” looks three-dimensional — so chic!
When the “Jersey Shore” girls want to hit up the club and save some dough, we’re betting they PMS it (Pregame, Mooch free drinks, and Smuggle in liquor). But what’s a guidette to do when her bulky flask won’t fit in her cleavage-baring tank top?
As the feminine answer to the brand’s BeerBelly, the Papa Bert WineRack Flask Bra ($29.99) gives ladies a way to carry their favorite adult beverage, while giving their “girls” a big boost. The drink-smuggling device can hold the equivalent of 64 shots, 6.8 beers or 3.2 bottles of wine, all while transforming an A cup into a pair of bursting DDs.
According to the brand, the WineRack Flask Bra is “better than a boob job and cheaper too!” Need more proof? The Papa Bert website also purports that “sporting the WineRack will even give Pamela Anderson a run for her money,” and that it “has been featured in PlayBoy (which means it must be good).”
So the next time the gorgeous, gelled guido at the bar says, “Nice rack,” the well-prepared guidette can confidently agree.
Don’t get us wrong — we love us some Urban Outfitters, as you’ve probably noticed during many of our Fab Finds. BUT, we also notice that the brand has an irrational affinity for items better suited for playing dress-up than dressing for real life.
While from afar, it could be mistaken for an over-starched, over-sized bow caught in a gale wind, if you’re standing next to someone wearing this headband, you might also want to scan the room for Hugh Hefner.
But, all said and done, we suppose it’s not quite as bad as last season’s Urban Outfitters fringe thigh high stockings, which had us neighing all the way to the stables.
First the murse*. Next the mantyhose, and then the mirdles. Now, the most fashion-forward men may be wearing high heels. At least, according to Luke Leitch, deputy fashion editor for the UK publication The Times, that is.
Leitch purports that stylish men of smaller statures may forgo “lifts” in favor of more stand-out stilettos, citing Fashion Week attendees at shows by Gareth Pugh, Rick Owens, Rodarte and Pam Hogg as proof. He also says man-platforms are being produced by Jean-Michel Cazabat and Owens himself. We found a couple of photos that confirm Owens’ propensity toward platform pumps for men:
As for whether or not you’ll see modern men on the street looking like THIS:
Well, we’re going to guess that you won’t. Not just because men (and women) will reject the look (um, and they will), but because we’re pretty sure they wouldn’t be able to handle the discomfort. Those murses and mirdles are looking pretty tame by comparison, aren’t they?
*This post is dedicated to the murse-marvelous man, Jay O. You know who you are.
Photos: Rick Owens, The Times
We’ve all heard how research has shown that “beautiful” people have certain advantages over others when it comes to navigating the crowded job market. And now, BeautifulJobSeekers.com wants to make it even easier for our beautiful, unemployed brethren to get work. At least, that’s what they say.
As the self-proclaimed “Job Board for Beautiful Jobseekers” (the website’s page title), BeautifulJobSeekers claims to offer the perfect opportunity for companies to find skilled, talented people who are also beautiful.* And to “prove” it, they encourage job seekers to upload a photo of themselves and allow other site visitors to rate it.
You can rate someone else’s photo just like so many of us did back when “Hot or Not” first made its way to the Internet. Only this time, instead of rating insecure people desperately seeking validation from strangers online, you’ll be able to make snap judgments about unemployed, insecure people desperately seeking validation from strangers online. And what could be more beautiful that that?
But seriously — the real “beauty” of this site is that it allows you to find out companies that would advertise job postings on such an brazen site (though, unfortunately, the job postings also have the option to be anonymous).
So kudos, BeautifulJobSeekers.com, for capitalizing on a process that is already excruciating for so many Americans and making it as ugly as humanly possible.
*BeautifulJobSeekers lists the following ineffectual disclaimer at the top of the site: “We’re not saying don’t hire people that aren’t beautiful, we’re saying here’s a place to hire skilled and talented people that are also beautiful!”
STOP THE PRESSES! A new pill has been developed that makes gray hair go away! At least, that’s what Cathy Beggan, president of Rise-N-Shine, LLC and founder of “Go Away Gray,” claims. Her new Go Away Gray pill purportedly stops the graying process and allows your natural hair color to come back in with new growth. And all for only $29.90 for a month’s supply, so you can forget about your trips to the salon or to the supermarket hair color aisle. Just pop some pills and all your woes will disappear (isn’t that what Anna Nicole Smith said?).
Beggan insists the secret ingredient is an enzyme called Catalase that counteracts the body’s natural production of hydrogen peroxide. “Our bodies produce hydrogen peroxide which bleaches our hair from the inside out,” she claims. “Our bodies also produce an enzyme called Catalase which breaks down the hydrogen peroxide. As we get older, we don’t produce enough Catalase and then the hydrogen peroxide cannot be broken down. As a result, hair is bleached from the inside out, turning it gray.”
Well there you go. Color my gray roots impressed! And by impressed, I mean horrified. Horrified that Cathy Beggan can sleep at night while selling a pill that most certainly doesn’t do a thing to wipe out grays. But if you like shelling out dough for empty promise pills, don’t stop at Go Away Gray. Also try Beggan’s other “all-natural” pills like Wrinkle Remedy, Menopause Chill Pills and Royal Flush.
What happens when you have a penchant for old military weapons and a lot of time left on your hands? Stinky Bomb Soap happens. This Etsy shop aims to have you lathered up in arms with a variety of soaps molded to look just like real weapons. Take the Grenade Soap, for example, which is molded from – you guessed it – an actual hand grenade (a WWII steel body grenade, no less).
Looking for the perfect gift for Mother’s Day (and a great way to get the nagging in-law stuck in airport security for a few hours)? How about an Ammo Gift Box, featuring a real “found” ammo box filled with three Grenade Soaps?
We’re all for girl power and embracing the beauty of the female form. But we cross the line at wearing anything that depicts certain female “forms.” Move over boob scarf — there’s a new WTF of the Week in town: Vulva Pendants.
That’s right. At the “Feminist shop of handmade Vulva love by VulvaLoveLovely” Etsy shop, you can snatch up a necklace with a pendant portraying an ultra-realistic looking lady part. In fact, they’re so realistic, we can’t show them here, but you can click here to check out an example of a necklace the site says is “RESERVED for members of the Order of the Clitorati.”
For less than $100, you can have your own lady bits sculpted into the pendant, so you can proudly show off your inner beauty (well, at least your inner labia). Just send in a picture of your parts after purchasing, and the shop will take care of the rest. Visit the VulvaLoveL0vely Etsy shop (WARNING: Not Safe For Work) for more information and to be totally grossed out.